Living Wide Awake

For the past week or two, I have been reading an absolutely AMAZING book, Wide Awake by Erwin McManus. It has really been rocking my world and radically changing the way I view my life and the world around me. He challenges us to dream bigger than we think possible. To not be afraid to stand up and work for what matters. And to be willing to each work in our own unique ways. I was talking to Mikey last night, after many days of thought and speculation (not that those days have stopped), and it occured to me that over the past few years I have grown up a lot, but not really into the person I dreamed of and thought of becoming. I have grown up like most people do. And that's not what I used to want. I told Mikey that the biggest way I've changed is that I used to think all of my quirks, the things that make me uniquely Anna, were cute and wonderful and everyone loved them. It never occurred to me, even past the years where most pre-teens and teenagers start questioning themselves and trying to fit in, that my differences could ever be a bad thing. I speak differently than a lot of people because my family always emphasized learning and grammar. I love medicine and science. I always loved going to school, learning new things. I didn't ask myself if I was taking on too much with five Bible Studies a week, leadership in a number of clubs, school, and ballet. I just did what I could do...filled up my hours with work, and I loved it! But somewhere over the past few years, I lost that joy, or at least parts of it. I started wondering if people liked me less because of my differences. My enjoyment of school became a thing I thought I needed to downplay so I wouldn't stand out so much. I lost sight of who God created me to be in a huge way. And as Philip McCart, the youth pastor at Northwoods said this morning, quoting the great philosopher Popeye the Sailor Man, "I've had all I can stands. And I can't stands no more!" I refuse to keep taking the path my heart and mind started taking unbeknownst to me. I refuse to keeping questioning who God made me to be. I refuse to stop dreaming dreams too big for this one human being. I refuse to stop learning and growing and reaching. I refuse to not enjoy school, everything I learn, every test of skill and knowledge. I refuse to give in, to stand for what the world has told me matters. I am who God created me to be, and to my dying day, I will dream and reach farther than humanly possible because it is God who works in me to his glory!!